A Brucie Bonus blog about the classic Generation Game from the 30th October 1976!
Or The One With Brucie’s Tights.
I’m In Charge
On Gill getting covered in paint, age 10: “Oh. So you were overcome with Emulsion?”
On Frank’s hobbies of golf and piano playing: “I was going to say it could be ‘Tee For Two’.”
On Diane’s Christmas engagement to a policeman: “Pudding and custody.”
On Phyllis’ job as canteen assistant at the local police: “Do you take Truncheon Vouchers?”
On a gorilla trying to pull Phyllis into his zoo cage: “I wish he had!”
On tropical fish keeping Philip awake at night: “I thought you might have had a cute herring.”
On Philip confusing gravy and coffee granules: “Oh, how thickening.”
On mother-in-law Joan’s job as solicitor’s crown court clerk: “So you really are a mother-in-law.”
Give Us A Twirl
Both “pinky and perky” in pink, Anthea eventually gets there with this week’s motor show themed joke (“I could have trained a chimp by now,” sighs Bruce, doing his best to prompt his missus). A marvellous salesman attempted to tempt Anthea with a brand new supercar that could get her from London to Birmingham between midnight and 1.30am.
Did Anthea buy it? No.
Because what would she do in Birmingham at 1.30 in the morning?
Let’s Meet The Eight Who Are Going To Generate
Harry & Gill Mercer: Father & Daughter
Harry: Manager of a building firm in St Leonard’s On Sea. Joined a variety act with his dad who had the world’s largest concertina, and during his army days, Harry produced concert parties – alas, during a show with the Tiller Girls, the stage on which they were performing collapsed on top of him. Harry once dug a six foot trench in his garden – only for his wife to fall right in it.
Gill: Also from St Leonard’s On Sea, Gill is an executive officer in health and social security services. Her office hired her as goalie for the ladies’ football team, but was never asked again after she dropped the ball, which then rolled into the goal. Was once covered in paint, age 10, after knocking over a tin. It took forever for Gill to bath a baby during a Duke Of Edinburgh Award Scheme visit, since she had no idea when the Duke was coming to visit. Every year, Gill takes part in the town carnival and raises money for local charities.
Frank & Diane Short: Father & Daughter
Frank: Not happy with the way that Bruce pronounces Wear, pronouncing his home of Tyne And Wear in the right Geordie style. Married with four kids, Frank is marketing manager with a firm that supplies sticky labels and sticky tapes. Plays golf and piano, and was once picked up by the police in New York for walking in a strange manner.
Diane: Whitley Bay Diane is currently assistant to a teacher of physically handicapped children in North Shields. Is getting engaged to a policeman at Christmas. Not much luck as a kid, as she fell off the bed, fell from a second storey window, fell from a baker’s float, and fell into some rapids, causing her mum to nearly drown while saving her!
Phyllis & Philip Cole: Mother & Son
Phyllis: Poor Phyllis (likes to be called Phyll) seems to have had her share of bad luck. In between dishing out meals at her local constabulary, Phyllis has been attacked by a randy gorilla, was troubled by a cyclone while on holiday in Italy, and had to run naked through an Italian hotel in order to grab her clothes. She wants to be buried in Portsmouth Cemetery because she doesn’t know anyone in Derby.
Philip: A sales rep in Derby, Philip likes football, photography and playing guitar – at least he would, if he could manage to master one chord. Used to keep tropical fish but they kept him awake at night. Once mixed up coffee granules with gravy ones.
Joan Jones & Michael Ball: Mother-In-Law & Son-In-law
Joan: A solicitor’s crown court clerk in Bedford, Joan is married to a senior prison officer whom she first met at school, age six.
Michael: PE master at a boys’ secondary school. Hobbies include football, cricket and DIY – although instead of one kitchen stool that he uses as a sawing rest, he now has two – each with two legs instead of four.
Nice To See You…
The Brother Lees
Tony and Michael Dyball, and Roger Reynolds appeared seven times on the show to guide semi-finalists through their attempts at mimicry.
The Brother Lees were regularly seen on TV in the 1970s, earning spots on variety shows like Larry Grayson and Seaside Special.
I Hope You’re Playing This At Home
The Brother Lees and contestants move like Jagger to Ronnie’s version of The Rolling Stones’ I Can’t Get No Satisfaction. Plus, The Generation Game theme for their Brucie impressions!
All Right, My Fluffs?
Someone should have arranged Joan’s tights with a bit more discretion for the final game…
Good Games
Game Number One: Swinging
Not as kinky as it sounds.
These army-based games need to mix things up a bit. We’ve had marching in time, saluting, so now we’ve got waving some clubs around in the air.
The Army School Of Physical Training prove that there’s a bit more to the game than this, using military precision to demonstrate how it should be done. The clubs look like the sort that a juggler might use, which is apt considering that the guests may be clowning around very shortly.
Take Harry and Jill, for example. As well as Jill swinging the clubs the opposite way to the army blokes, Harry goes one better by doing so with a growing look of genuine bewilderment. It’s a short game – maybe a minute, tops, but judging from the wide-eyed look of horror on Harry’s face, it’s a minute in dog years time – a game where time stands still and never ends.
Frank looks equally appalled at the prospect of lugging around great big clubs that weigh over eight pounds each. But Bruce is only funning, swapping the joke clubs for the real ones. Diane especially seems to get more of a rhythm with the club swinging, and it’s something that’s spotted by the curiously small-headed army school leader, Clive Eldritch – perhaps it’s those massive aviator-shade-style glasses that do it. “She was very fluent,” he nods in admiration. “It all sort of flowed, didn’t it?” Diane gets the only three in a run of so-so twos, so the Shorts get a short lead of one at this point.
Game Number Two: Far Away Places
If The Generation Game hasn’t got the budget to whisk our friends away to far-off places, the next best thing is to bring the far away places to them instead. As two large maps are wheeled on, the Mercers and Shorts are now being tested for their brains rather than their brawn. In particular, knowledge of islands. They each have to choose from a list of islands on the board and stick the right names on the right locations. There are, however, five bogus ones.
Shame the Shorts didn’t capitalise on Diane’s slight lead, because the Mercers go to town on this, scoring an impressive five out of six (Ibiza, Sardinia, Malta, Crete and Cyprus), only missing out on Corfu – the Shorts’ lone right answer.
Talk about a Short time in the lead…
Game Number Three: Memory Lane
Five objects are brought on to the centre of the stage – all things from the past. There’s a large sack of coal, a brownie camera, a ticket from London to Edinburgh, a pint of beer and a vacuum cleaner.
What Bruce wants to know is how much they would cost in old money – and it’s a game that the old dears in the audience want to play too. “Listen to them out there playing it,” chuckles the host, as several blue-rinsed brains get working.
Well, let’s see if the senior citizens in the audience bested the four contestants. A 100 weight of coal is about two shillings and tuppence (11p in 1976 money); 12 shillings and sixpence for a brownie camera (62 and a half p in 1976 cash!); 29 shillings for a London to Edinburgh train fare (£245 in 1976, and God knows what 50 years on – probably about 10 times that); tuppence for a pint (1p in 1976 – blimey); and finally, the curveball. A vacuum cleaner would have cost about £23 in 1926 because of the novelty factor. New inventions meant that the price skyrocketed.
And at the end of that game, it’s level pegging with five points for both sides. I bet the old timers got maximum.
Game Number Four: Curry With A Fringe On Top
Before making another visit to Jetty Singh’s Indian restaurant for a bit of Naan Bread, Brucie has invited the man himself to show the contestants how to make this delicious piece of Indian cuisine.
Using the basic ingredients of seeds, water, dry flour and dough, Jetty rolls the dough into a bun, mixing the seeds in as he goes. He then widens the mix from hand to hand, throwing it in the air – a bit like the pizza dough in the 1974 episode – and there it is! Perfect Naan Bread mixture.
I doubt that the contestants’ efforts will be perfect. The ladies get to go first, with Joan’s dough looking like a moth-eaten string vest. Not that the chaps do any better – Philip flings his raw dough from hand to hand like a hacky sack, eventually downing the soggy mess in a pitiful heap that makes it look like he dropped his hanky by accident.
As Jetty returns to survey the mess, Bruce points out the hole in Joan’s dough – it could possibly pass as a doughnut on good day, so only two points. Michael, however, has done better than at first glance, having created a credible slice of Naan. It’s four points and the prospect of a job with Jetty if school PE gets too punishing.
“If you’re going to have one, have a big one,” muses Bruce at Phyll’s oversized lump of dough. “You could have given that to one of your gorillas, couldn’t you?” No seeds, but it’s not worried Jetty too much, as he awards three points. Philip’s however, looks like a meringue, and so gets a crumbly one point.
Michael’s Naan was enough to see himself and Joan through to the next qualifier, as Phyll and Phil depart with goblet and tankard.
Semi-Final Game: A Tight Lees
The main talking point of this episode – and it will be a running gag during the rest of the series – is Bruce’s tights. Like two Twiglets at a funeral, Bruce’s legs ain’t the most welcome sight on a Saturday night – but at least he’s enjoying himself. “I’m in a funny mood!” he muses. “I hope it lasts!”
Bruce and his awkward tights are here to help the semi-finalists through another set of impersonations by The Brother Lees. This time, they are not just mimicking Max Wall and Mick Jagger, but the host himself. Bruce isn’t too proud to stand side by side of the hopefuls, some of whom sound nothing like the man himself.
Take Michael. He stands like a barely animated waxwork dummy when singing the theme tune of the song and going through all the classic catchphrases. His eyes have the same sort of glazed-over look as Sabrina Carpenter seal clapping at the Grammys. Bruce is looking at him like he’s got sprouts coming out of his nostrils. “Don’t get so excited,” he deadpans.
Joan, however, needs a bit of prompting when impersonating Max Wall. She’s good at the funny dance, but misunderstands the meaning of lower. When she’s supposed to say “Good evening!” she does so in a normal, higher tone. Bruce hisses at her to go “Lower!” which she takes as squatting down! And someone should really have rearranged her tights before she came on.
Luckily, both Joan and Michael come good with the Mick Jagger dance to I Can’t Get No Satisfaction. Those wigs and stick-on lips are a hoot.
While Brother Lee Michael is keen to call it a draw of 19 points each, I personally would have given the win to Harry and Gill – Harry especially is brilliant at the impersonations, and his spot-on Max Wall voice sends Brucie into hysterics. Gill also gamely braves each of the impressions, and on balance, I think there are less mistakes made here.
But hey – I’m not the judge. As it turned out, Harry and Gill made it through anyway after the second tiebreaker question (everyone answered four at once after the question of how many kids Mr and Mrs Maj had). Gill was first in there, after correctly identifying Brussels as the location of the common market headquarters.
A great game though – one of the most memorable, and Joan and Michael gave it their all. Well, apart from the Bruce Forsyth impression. “I wish you’d liked doing me better, but there we are,” sighs the host forlornly.
The Crunch
Q: Who is the new world motor racing champion? A: James Hunt.
Gill races into the lead.
Q: What election is to be held in America next week? A: American presidential election.
“She’s quick, isn’t she?” consoles Bruce to Harry as Gill gets the vote this week. “Mastermind!” In the meantime, Harry can master a new camera as Gill enters the conveyor belt booth.
On The Conveyor Belt Tonight, We Have…
A basket of fruit! A mohair car rug! An electric hot plate! Four crystal brandy glasses and a bottle of brandy! An electric carving knife and a stainless steel tray! A fan heater! A suitcase! A cuddly owl (what a hoot)! A digital clock radio! A fully automatic kettle! A set of table mats! A table vacuum jug! An infra-red grill! A hydroculture plant! A food hamper! Two bedside lamps! A three-in-one juicer! A shredder and blender! A rechargeable electric drill with forward and reverse action! A soup tureen and six soup dishes! A cheeseboard!
Didn’t She Do Well?
Gill’s take-home haul is thus: A blender; a digital clock; a suitcase; some mats; some fruit; some pottery; a car rug; a camera; some brandy; cheeseboard; vacuum cleaner; the cuddly owl; hamper; the drill; the juice extractor and the soup tureen.
16 prizes for Gill and Harry to share between them!
(Screengrabs credited to BBC)
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