In May 2024, I published a new Kindle book. Cuddly Toy: The Unofficial, Unauthorised Guide To The Generation Game is a complete-as-possible look at the original Bruce Forsyth run from 1971 to 1977.
Because I’m such a nice guy, here is a sample chapter of the book (sticking with 1977) free of charge, and complete with accompanying screengrabs!
I’m In Charge
“Oh, I’m fed up of saying the same thing every week,” grumbles Bruce as he walks out to the usual round of applause. In a huff, he turns around, redoes his thinker pose while muttering: “Like a bloomin’ parrot…”, and then comes forward again. But lost for words, the host has no choice but to resort to tried and tested methods of “Nice to see you, to see you…”
On his autobiography: “I’m in the middle of writing my autobiography. It’s called ‘The Man I Love’.”
On Jack’s dog which likes being hoovered: “Can we have some more doggy bags?”
On Diana’s pet hate of washing her husband’s socks: “Well, make him take them off.”
On Michael’s hairy chest: “We would like to remind you, ladies and gentlemen, that this programme comes from Shepherd’s Bush.”
Give Us A Twirl
A “very simple” black trouser suit as there’s only just a week and a bit to go before Louisa arrives! Anthea hasn’t had any trouble with traffic this week, especially with yellow lines to stop her and a “nice man in a peak cap with leaflets”. While Bruce tries to explain that a traffic warden was giving her a ticket, all Anthea can do is shrug: “I don’t need a ticket. I’m in the show!”
Let’s Meet The Eight Who Are Going To Generate
Vincent Duffy & Sue Nurse: Father & Daughter
Vincent: Is called Vin by his family, Jim by his mum and Paddy by his friends. Vincent is an Irish detective sergeant, and once attempted a Tango with his duty sergeant.
Sue: Married with a two and a half year old son called Stuart. 5’8” without shoes, Sue wants to train to be a nurse, but has had her fair share of accidents. She broke her ankle after getting her legs wrapped round a tennis racquet. She broke her wedding ring finger a week before getting married after playing netball. She broke her nose playing hockey. And she fell on her chin after being pushed from a train, ending up with a chin that “looked like you-know-who”. Also likes biographies.
Jack Mason & Diana Crawford: Father & Daughter
Jack: Sailing fan Jack has been married to Muriel for 30 years and has his own boat in Devon. Not so much a fan of scraping barnacles off the bottom of the boat, though. Is a keen wine maker, but Muriel doesn’t like it when he keeps his drinks on top of their wardrobe as it seeps down through the wood into her clothes. Has a crazy spaniel called Sam that likes being hoovered.
Diana: Is 24 years old and has been married to Bill for 18 months. Spent her wedding night 36,000 feet up in the air after her plane was diverted and didn’t arrive in Yugoslavia until the next morning. Her pet hate is washing Bill’s socks.
Margo Gravenell & Michael Riordan: Mother-In-Law & Son-In-Law
Margo: Met her husband Cyril when she was in the WAF in the war. Enjoys sliding down spiral staircase banisters.
Michael: A progress chaser in a factory – which is making sure that employees are knuckling down and doing work rather than having a natter. Had a bad case of sunburn when on holiday in Spain and once won a hairy chest competition.
Dorothy Kitchen & Paul Henderson: Aunt & Nephew
Dorothy: When not working at the gas board, Dorothy teaches English to foreign students three nights a week. Is married to Jack with whom she has two sons – unfortunately, Jack doesn’t like The Generation Game. Makes all her own cakes, likes tennis, and can serve a mean fairy cake with a racquet.
Paul: Compiles and publishes crossword puzzles. Paul is studying astronomy at St Andrews University and can play the euphonium well but the organ badly. Likes stamp collecting.
Nice To See You…
Philip Madoc
A frequent bad guy on the TV, most notably in the Dad’s Army episode The Deadly Attachment (“Your name vill go on ze list” etc). Philip also played a baddie three times in Doctor Who (he’ll be appearing in his third and arguably most memorable bad guy role three weeks after this edition in The Brain Of Morbius as Mehendri Solon) and as a cynical refinery technician (if you count the second Dalek movie, then he managed to notch up five appearances).
Philip also provided guaranteed value for money in everything from The Goodies to Midsomer Murders. He starred opposite Marti Caine in 80s sitcom Hilary and landed his own starring role as Noel Bain in A Mind To Kill.
Jan Hunt
At the time of The Generation Game, Jan was one of the regular Crackerjack team. Jan was also a dab hand with the spoons in stage plays such as Show Boat.
Suzanne Danielle
Late addition to the ranks of Carry On sirens. Was once touted as a new Doctor Who companion (to the irritation of Lalla Ward, who did actually become Romana II in 1979), but had to settle for playing a robot Boney M reject in Destiny Of The Daleks. Also co-presented Just Amazing with Kenny Lynch (Series Two, Episode 15).
I Hope You’re Playing This At Home
* The theme from MASH, which is getting nearly as many plays as Bread’s Make It With You.
* A medical medley for Game Two includes A Spoonful Of Sugar.
* The Can Can again in the Moulin Rouge playlet.
All Right, My Fluffs?
The conveyor belt can’t make up its mind whether it wants to start rolling or not, meaning that Bruce can’t decide whether to start listing the prizes or not either.
Good Games
Game Number One: Know Your Blooms
I don’t know what the tune’s called, but I love the mad jazzy freak out from Ronnie’s orchestra in this first round. Bruce says it’s a simple game, and indeed it is – unless you don’t know your plants.
Fortunately, the first two pairs generally do. Apart from the third one, the Larkspur – also known as the Delphinium. This dud apart, both Vincent ‘n’ Sue and Jack ‘n’ Diana spot the Dahlia, Anemone, Friesa, and Gladioli. A bloom-in’ good start!
Game Number Two: First Aid or Shall We Get A Second Opinion
Another useful game to learn in case anyone’s had an accident at home. Ian Williams, training officer for the British Red Cross and his sidekick, Penny Stearn are hovering above a prone extra who’s really earning his pay tonight by lying on the floor.
A vital tip is to arrange a patient so that he or she is leaning against an upturned chair for that extra support. The next stage is to apply a kind of two-in-one bandage. One horizontal bandage dovetails with one vertical to form a figure of eight shape. After this, immobilise the patient’s legs. Ian and Penny use a piece of foam rubber, but a jacket or towel will do. Finally, if there are two poles handy, run them parallel, and put two jackets over them to make an improvised stretcher. Ian and Penny are expert enough to support their patient, but are the first two pairs? As Bruce says, it’s level pegging at the moment, so it all hinges on this game!
While Vincent and Sue struggle to even start the task (this from a contestant whose surname is Nurse), Diana’s frantic attempts seem to be rubbing Bruce up the wrong way, as she nearly rams one of her poles up his nose! “I’m only trying to help, dear!” he jumps.
Less forgiving is a grumpy old fart on the floor. Eddie, an extra who has obviously been paid a massive sum of three pence, scowls, gurns and rolls his eyes as Diana wrestles with his head as if it’s a potter’s wheel. I’m half expecting Eddie to get up and storm out of the studio while swearing at the top of his voice.
Before he can though, Ian and Penny quickly come to the rescue with some marks. Looking down at the miseryguts, Ian declares that Diana “killed him”. Bruce doesn’t seem too fazed. “At least he died at home.”
What is in Jack and Diana’s favour is that they did at least attempt to complete a stretcher. In the real world, dragging Eddie along with one leg on the floor wouldn’t get him anywhere further than one inch, but it’s not for want of trying. Ian awards them six.
“I mean, what about this poor soul here?” despairs Bruce as they take a look at the other patient. The bandage is a complete write-off, coming apart with just one touch. The stretcher is non-existent, a couple of poles with a jacket hanging pathetically off one end. “I was thinking the bottom half,” says Ian as diplomatically as possible. A four adds insult to injury for Vincent and Sue, as Jack and Diana make it through to the semi-final.
Game Number Three: Come Fly With Me
Captain Ken and Air Automaton Diane (From Season 3 Episode 20) are too busy flying off to Rio de Janeiro or somewhere, so it’s just Bruce and Anthea tonight.
This is a different Come Fly With Me though. Rather than guess air miles, contestants need to be more clued up on geography. They must select six from 10 destinations on the board and put them on the appropriate spots on the map.
Would Dorothy and Paul have fared well with air miles? Who knows? But their geographical knowledge is first class as they score six out of six (Casablanca, Valencia, Tunis, Palermo, Varna and Beirut). Margo and Michael need to swot up a bit on their places though, as they can only muster two points.
Game Number Four: My Favourite
So when Bruce would always say “You’re my favourites!” to couples on Strictly, was he subconsciously comparing them to pork pies?
Because pork pies are Bruce’s desert island dish. The contents of his fridge probably couldn’t be seen for countless four-packs of pork pies. Resisting the temptation to scoff the lot on the display, Bruce does his best to concentrate on the next game.
Bill Green is a retiring baker who has a lifetime of bread sweat and tears to show on his rough, calloused hands. Before he enjoys his retirement, he has agreed to come and show how to make a basic pork pie.
Which he does by first throwing some dough onto a smattering of flour, and then fashioning it into first, a mushroom shape and then a handle-less mug shape. Bill makes sure that he retains the mug outline by walloping a heavy pie block into the centre, before shoving in a load of pork mush.
After moisturising the top layer of pastry, Bill then trims off the excess dough with a trimmer, before kneading in small indentations to give the pie a crimped finish. On any other day, Bill would have sprayed the pie with egg and then put it in the oven for about 90 minutes.
But the two teams don’t have 90 seconds, let alone 90 minutes. A Duchess of Duke Street is looking meaningfully at a clock, so the pairs have only one minute to make their own pork pie. Michael, however, seems to be stretching the definition of pork pie to extremes as he uses his fingers rather than a trimmer to get rid of the dough. It looks like Michael ran over his pork pie with a double decker bus.
Bill’s boss waddles on, a Mr Saxby. Phil to his friends.
Mr Saxby does a really strange pose to the camera, freezing like a statue while pulling an unnerving rictus grin gurn at the camera that makes him look like he’s suffering from a pork pie stuck up his jacksy. It’s chilling.
Saxby is of the Ken Smith (See Roy Castle 1975 edition of GG) school of grunting out numbers like a caveman reciting the 10 times table. “THREE!” for Dorothy’s who “made a good pie”. “TWO!” for Paul who was “not so good”. “FOUR!” for Margo who’s a “clever lady”. And finally, another “TWO!” for Michael, as Saxby mutters “Simple Simon met a pieman.”
As Saxby waddles off again – luckily not striking another pose – Margo’s and Michael’s dreams of winning are now only pie in the sky, as they lose by seven points to Dorothy and Paul (17-10).
Semi-Final Game: Moulin Rouge
Tonight’s Balls Pond Road Theatre Club offering has a French flavour about it. Bruce will be starring as Jacques Haw-Hee-Haw-Hee-Haw-Hee-Haw, a local art dealer who is here to see Toulouse Lautrec, that highly regarded artist – in Moulin Rouge or…
Too Loos Low-Trick.
As Bruce Jacques waits for Toulouse, deafening shrieking comes through the art gallery door. Fifi and Yvette. One is played by Suzanne Danielle, the other – judging by the top-volume screaming – can only be Jan Hunt. If Bruce Jacques doesn’t become worried about going deaf, he can admire the girls’ Can Can dance, which ends with Fifi and Yvette doing some impressive splits. “Get ready!” warns Bruce with a grin to Diana and Dorothy.
Before Bruce Jacques can get to know Fifi and Yvette a bit better, Toulouse (Philip Madoc, shuffling painfully on his knees) arrives. Madoc again shows great comic timing, given all the nasties he’s played in many a drama. When attempting to shuffle up some stairs while kneeling, he improvises: “Damn these Frogs Legs!”
After getting to know Yvette a bit better, Toulouse Madoc asks her and Fifi to strike a pose – which they do with one leg each up in the air. Diana and Dorothy must be wincing by now.
Philip would stand up to go and judge but he can’t, so he has to be helped by Suzanne off the stage. With Diana winning the toss, she votes to go first in the play – now titled…
Too-Loose Shoelace.
Diana – now with a trendy punky green wig – has a good go at the Can Can. She’s quickly followed by Jack, who hilariously comes shuffling in like a wind-up toy. “Who’s working you?” asks Bruce, noticing that “He’s smiling like mad” behind his long black fake beard.
That beard is also handy for covering up some Les Dawson-style gurning, which Bruce has spotted as he gets to know Yvette a bit better. “I think you’re getting more than your Cher!” Both Jack and Diana must be made of pretty strong stuff. When coming back down the stairs, Jack does this kind of leap from one step down to the floor on just his knees. “Don’t hurt yourself,” warns Bruce, possibly thinking of Woll’s knees from a couple of weeks back. Meanwhile, Diana can strike a pose without any complaints. C’est magnifique!
Dorothy and Paul are next to face a fate “worse than the guillotine” as they guest star in…
Screw Loose La Twit.
If Diana’s hair was with the times, Dorothy’s purple rinse wig is also trendy. If you happen to be over 85 years old. Like Marjorie in the 1973 Christmas Day edition panto, Dorothy has to whip her glasses on and off to read her lines – especially problematic when she has to mirror read lines which are stuck on her knickers! Bruce has to hold them in place, as Jan corpses more than Bladerunner.
Paul’s wobbly entrance is just as off-balance as his acting, and when getting frisky with Yvette, his fake beard flies off! Bruce looks on in concern as Paul’s hands land on a worried looking Jan’s posterior. “What is this? A marshmallow factory?”
Bruce reassures Jan that a bed has been prepared for her in a London clinic, as a now-walking Philip and Suzanne return to give some critique to both teams. “We thought you were very, very good,” purrs Suzanne at Jack and Diana, despite being a “bit jealous”. Philip agrees that they were “remarkable” and they are given 18 points. Dorothy’s faffing about with her glasses was one of the funniest things he’d seen and while he’d love to give her and Paul top marks, Jack and Diana’s was the better performance – so the “lovely sports” finish with 17.
The Crunch
Q: In which European city is the common market headquarters situated? A: Brussels.
Not a sprout.
Q: How many sides does a 50p coin have? A: Six.
“Eight… five… six…” Diana gets there in the end. “She does wanna win!” exclaims Bruce.
Q: What famous novelist created James Bond? A: Ian Fleming.
“Pass” is the Mastermind answer, but Diana gets to take a look at some prizes as Jack wins himself a colour camera.
On The Conveyor Belt Tonight, We Have…
A chess set! A leather suitcase! A basket of fruit! A toaster oven! Bottles of sherry and port! An automatic electric kettle! A cake stand! A two-speed power drill! A Paddington Bear! (Diana’s genuinely delighted reaction to this is brilliant.) Kitchen stools! Two saucepans! A fan heater! A bobby car and embroidery! Bath and hand towels! A crystal vase! Storage jars! A first aid kit! A digital clock radio! A sheepskin rug! A nest of tables! A gourmet cook’s knife set! Dominoes and bridge cards!
Didn’t She Do Well?
Desperate to get her hands on that marmalade-chomping cuddly toy, Diana comes up with the Paddington Bear, a case, a grill, some fruit, some drink, a drill, a toaster, some vases, a digital clock, some towels, a chess set, saucepans, crystal vase, a rug, and a toy car.
The conveyor belt may have been a bit shy tonight, but it eventually produced 22 prizes. Diana gets more than two thirds with 15 – which of course, includes the Paddington Bear cuddly toy, which she waves around with glee.
These days, gameshows are all about millions of pounds or TV/record deals, but there’s something genuinely sweet about a contestant’s pure joy at taking home a cuddly toy.
Happy days.
(Screengrabs credited to BBC)
Cuddly Toy The Unofficial. Unauthorised Guide To The Generation Game Volume One The Bruce Forsyth Years 1971-1977
If you enjoyed reading this blog post, you might like my guide to Brucie’s original run of The Generation Game, which you can buy at Amazon for just £1.80!
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?i=digital-text&rh=p_27%3AJOHN+BENSALHIA&s=relevancerank&text=JOHN+BENSALHIA&ref=dp_byline_sr_ebooks_1
