Hello and welcome!
Here is a handy introduction for Earthlings to peruse about 1980s kids’ sci-fi quiz, Starstrider!
What Was Starstrider?
Starstrider ran for two series between 26th July 1984 and 1st November 1985. It was produced by the Granada channel, and was initially broadcast on Thursday afternoons in the sweltering Summer of 1984, switching to a gloomier Friday slot the following year.
The Beeb had already produced a sci-fi-themed quiz a year before called Captain Zep – Space Detective. Lavishly produced on a budget of approximately 75p, Zep’s main failing was its cheap-as-chips visuals. Zep and his slick-back hair crew would visit planets populated by literal cardboard cut-outs where they would have bracing adventures for kids to take notes to on futuristic clipboards. I think all the money was spent on the hair gel, as the contestants also had copious amounts of grease combed into their bonces.
Starstrider, at least, looked like it had a bit more money spent on it – £75 perhaps. While it used a simpler Q&A and game playing format, it did have an interesting look to it. With all its futuristic lights and lasers, the games look like they’re being played in a 1998 nightclub. And after Starstrider and his hapless sidekick Wart were elevated on a podium on to the stage – a bit like X Factor contestants – they made their way to a control desk that made them look like DJs spinning the latest bit of techno trance.
Who Was Starstrider?
Starstrider was an alien who was put in charge of running a series of tests set by the Galactic Federation (were the programme makers watching Doctor Who’s Curse Of Peladon when they dreamed this up?). The tests were designed to select the best of the brains on Earth.
Starstrider seems to be a closet Time Lord, given that he changes his form between series. Initially, he’s a shifty looking Ming The Merciless cosplayer played by Roger Sloman, who’s probably best known these days as haunted undertaker buffoon, Les Coker in EastEnders. Having tired of the Ming thing, he regenerates into a bizarre tin-foil haired reject from Drag Race, played by Jim Carter, who’s best known as Carson the butler from Downton Abbey.
Who Was Wart?
Wart was Starstrider’s assistant, who took more of a proactive approach than his aloof master. He would dart about like RoadRunner while firing questions at contestants who were riding the Grunder Hunter (see below) and would also help guide them around a light maze (ditto).
It’s ironic that Wart never changed his face, given that he’s played by the Doctor himself, Sylvester McCoy. You can see traces of his Doctor in his funny, eccentric and sometimes downright bonkers performance.
Who Were The Challengers?
Three sets of schoolkids from the Planet Terra. Each team comprised four kids, including a selected leader. I don’t know how each kid became the leader – whether he or she drew lots or whether he or she was teacher’s pet. They would be cheered on by their schoolmates in the audience, and would get to shake hands with Starstrider and Wart after the titles had rolled – a bit like when rock stars meet their adoring fans at gigs.
What Were The Challenges?
Five rounds in total. The first sees each team captain sit on a futuristic sun lounger while the others do the hard work for them! Starstrider puts a series of tricky questions to each team. And if they don’t know the answer, they have all the modern resources that money can buy!
A selection of reference books.
We truly are living in a golden future age here. In the pre-internet days, the only way you could find an answer to a question was to furiously scour the pages of a tatty library book. In a desperate bid to look modern, the kids were equipped with headsets and walkie talkies that made them look a bit like the keyboard player from Level 42.
The questions, like many other kids’ quiz shows from the 1970s and 1980s are trickier than you’d think. The youngsters are expected to know, for example, how many Number Ones ABBA had; the location of Elgar’s death in 1934; and the founder of the Christian Science Movement. These are brain-teasers that would catch out sweaty Who Wants To Be A Millionaire contestants, never mind a bunch of 12-year-olds.
The team captains don’t just get to recline on their futuristic sun-loungers though. They are also put on the spot in a Krypton Factor-style quick-fire Q&A round in which the slower contestants are momentarily plunged into darkness as the other answers. The more questions answered, the more Federation Star Ratings are awarded.
What Was The Grunder Hunter?
Essentially a bucking bronco rodeo that you get in pub gardens – but dressed up to make it look like a monstrous minotaur-esque creature. A chosen member of the team mounts the Grunder Hunter and is hurled around the air while trying to answer more difficult questions.
This is where Sylvester really earns his pay cheque, dashing breathlessly around the Grunder Hunter, while barking the questions at each contestant. Let’s hope that none of the kids had a big meal before they rode the Grunder Hunter – or else Wart will need a bucket and a mop.
What Was The Light Maze?
A 25-square sensory floor mat located in a corner studio, surrounded by a few plastic rocks and an alien backdrop painting.
In the days before Knightmare plonked a medieval bucket on kids’ heads, Starstrider did the same thing. Except each contestant wore a weird orange alien helmet mask that resembles Trump trying to work out two plus two. The other three would attempt to guide their colleague around the maze – although it does make me wonder if he or she can actually look down and see where the squares are.
Unlike Knightmare, there’s no risk of sidestepping to the left or being turned into a grimacing skull and two disembodied googly eyeballs. It’s a lot more genteel, and as further help, trusty Wart is on hand to help guide the kids around the maze.
What Was The Grand Final?
Low key. The outcome would be decided by another round of rapid questions for the team captains. In a vain bid to heighten some tension, all three could be seen in split-screen close-ups. Actually, I say three – more like two and a half. In the edition I reviewed, you can only see the top of one of the kids’ heads!
If the kids expected a super prize along the lines of a telly or stereo, forget it. The budget had most likely been blown on the flashy light show and Starstrider’s sandwiches. Apparently, contestants would get to take home a Starstrider goody bag which included a sweatshirt, mug and pen – they might hold out some value on eBay today, but to youngsters hoping for a flashy prize, they must have been disappointed.
And that was it. One of my main memories of the show is Starstrider and Wart walking into a cool laserlight tunnel – a bit like the Tom Baker titles in Doctor Who. Alas, in the Coker days, the tunnel wasn’t there, with the credits rolling over Starstrider and Wart engaging in some pithy banter.
Goodbye and farewell!
(Screencaps credited to ITV/Granada)
